so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
did i just pee glitter
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
