Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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