Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
