now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
