bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
