I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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