it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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