Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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