Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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