I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize