I'm lost and stupid without you.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
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