I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
