somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
