Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
