i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
