The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
