I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
