just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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