She is in my trunk
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
