i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize