WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She bit a glass in half.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
