glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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