U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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