So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
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