My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
