My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Say something about gay babies.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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