Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
