her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
