I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
