I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
