somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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