yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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