I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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