I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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