Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
