Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
