I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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