I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
