How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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