the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
