Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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