Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
