yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We are two peas in an std pod
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
