why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
