have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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