I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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