I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
