Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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