Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
