Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
