Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
