The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
