i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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