Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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