Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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