Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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