DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
