dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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