he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
