dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
