After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
did you just send me my own nude
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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