so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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