I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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