Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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