Your tits are I can't wait for
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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