rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
