How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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