Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
