So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
