Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
