my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
