is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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