i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
