hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
