dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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