So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my poor anus
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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