Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They have beer where we have blood.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize