My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
