Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
