is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
