around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
