i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
