I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
