i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
