I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You ruined the universe
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
