Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
