I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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