My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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