I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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