yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
