im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
