Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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