I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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