just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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