To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
