Just fell off a train. Bad.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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