I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
