I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize