Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
