butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
