i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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