Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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