today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
