Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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