I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
