I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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