Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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