Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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